Giving and Getting Respect – How to Improve Your Relationship With Your Fibro-Treating Doctor

Giving and Getting Respect – How to Improve Your Relationship With Your Fibro-Treating Doctor

fibromyalgia patients are unfortunately facing an increasingly vocal minority of suspicion and disbelief about their very-real illness. Most often this message comes from anonymous or faceless “scientists” or “researchers” questioned by the media, which reports on the “controversy” with breathless intrigue and florid language. Such “doubts” are easy for most of us to dismiss — they don’t affect us as individuals, our lives, our symptoms, or our pain management and treatment options. 

But there’s a more insidious form of opposition we can sometimes face. It can happen to anybody with any chronic illness, and fibromyalgia sufferers are not immune. This opposition comes in the form of a difficult doctor. 

Many of us have had experience with arrogant physicians and surgeons. Often, the reputation is warranted but just as often, a relationship with a medical provider goes south because both parties come into it with preconceived ideas and suspicions about the other.

When the ”difficult doctor” happens to be your primary treating physician, then that’s a problem. Fortunately, it’s one that can often be solved with a little effort. 

Respect Your Doctor’s Education and Experience

When your relationship with your doctor has grown sour because of his or her arrogance, whether it’s truly arrogance or your perception of behavior that’s caused by other factors, the last thing you want to hear is “respect your doctor.” 

Nor do I advocate blind obedience to the almighty M.D. Such faith might have been the norm in days gone by, but today’s it’s rather silly to abdicate all responsibility for your health. Most responsible physicians want their patients to be involved in their health care.

(If yours doesn’t, that’s a big clue that you should perhaps start looking for a new doctor.)

What I am suggesting is this: mutual respect is required for any healthy working relationship. In order to expect it from your doctor, you’ll have to offer it first. 

If you find it difficult to respect your doctor personally, then consider respecting the education, time, and effort she has put in to becoming a physician. Your doctor went to school for a long time before he was even allowed to call himself a doctor. That was followed by years of interning and residency, and possibly a long board certification process as well.

No, doctors are not “gods” — no matter what some may secretly believe!  But they are human beings with a certain amount of expertise, and thus entitled to a modicum of respect, at the very least.

Then, too, consider this: how would you react if someone began an argument with you in a confrontational, accusatory tone? When that person began dismissing your opinions and getting very defensive, how do you think you’d feel about continuing the discussion with him or her?

Be Aware of What You’re Teaching Your Physician About You

While it’s important to keep your cool when speaking with your doctor, and to use a courteous, respectful tone, it’s also important not to inadvertently teach your doctor to abuse your good nature. If things get out of hand – if the doctor says something inappropriate, for instance, or begins to dismiss you before the discussion is through – you’re going to have to speak up.

For some folks, this is no problem. But for many of us, speaking up in this situation is downright scary. If you feel you might want to run and hide, or avoid the conflict altogether, it’s best to spend some time with a friend or family member roleplaying this scenario before the doctor’s visit. This will give you some practice thinking on your feet, and simultaneously getting comfortable standing up for yourself in difficult situations.

Then, if the worst does happen, you can pull yourself up straighter, adopt your “I’m serious and you’d best listen” face, and say:

“Respectfully, doctor, if you cannot take my symptoms seriously, I will be forced to take my medical files and find a physician who is more equipped to treat my case.”
“Doctor, I have no problem having a healthy discussion, even if we disagree. But I will not be spoken to condescendingly, and I will not be dismissed. If it happens again, I will leave and I will take my files with me to find a doctor who knows how to communicate respectfully with patients.”
“Excuse me, I’m not finished yet. I’d prefer to discuss these concerns with you now.”

One word of caution: if you issue an ultimatum (as the first two examples do), you must be prepared to follow through with it.

The bottom line is this: It’s your body, your money, and your life. You are entitled to be treated with respect and to have your concerns taken seriously by your treating physician. You owe him nothing more than respect and payment for services rendered. That’s it.  If he isn’t willing to live up to his end of the bargain, you have no choice but to find a more honorable doctor.

Related posts:

1. Fibromyalgia Relief Centers – Easing Pain and Giving Hope With Fibromyalgia Relief
2. Treating Fibromyalgia

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